Because I have such an aversion to the words 'make' and 'love' next to each other in a sentence, I find it super important to say that I am making an exception for my new attempt at a weekly blog thing. I thought that was the most hilarious CD title ever.
Anyway. I was in the car this morning belting out Billy Joel with my two year old (for your information, we were singing Go To Extremes, possibly my favorite Billy Joel song in the entire world. The Boy has heard it four times, and he can already sing it with me. He's amazing) when I realized how very important music is to me. Granted, I don't play anything, though if I listen to a song a few times, I can pretty much play it on the piano...thanks for the help, Yanni!....but I do sing. And I sing really, REALLY well. If I couldn't sing one day, I would almost want to kill myself. Tidbit the first.
Tidbit the second.
I find myself so fucking often playing my own soundtrack. For instance, when my fiance proposed to me, I instantly played this song in my head :
And I do it ALL. THE. TIME.
Listening to music and finding situations to relate it to is the primary vein that keeps my life pumping.
It is with that thought in mind that I want to start featuring a song every week (obviously one that I love, duh) and talking about what I relate it to. I do this with two hopes : One, to totally fucking spread the love. This is music I adore, and I love when people adore things I treasure.
This week, I will feature....drumroll, please......
TOTALLY FORBIDDEN PASSION OF THE LOINS
The song : Hysteria
I am too lame to figure out how to add the song to the blog, so look it up, because it's completely worth it. Without further ado.
So, yes. I am in a committed, loving, radical relationship with a man that fills me to bursting with love (and not like, the kind of love you keep in your tummy. He does that too, but that's not what I mean). He's everything I want and more and yadda yadda yadda.
But DUDE. A girl crushes. It isn't often, but when a crush comes around, I get completely fucking swept up in it. Mostly because when I DO crush, I crush on someone that I am damn near positive is full of reciprocation for my wanton lust. I am usually positive enough to flirt (really hard and incredibly obviously), but unsure enough to bother my nearest and dearest with "do you think this means he thinks I'm hot?". To be quite honest, crushes for me are gone immediately after finding out where their interest level truly lies, and this is for two reasons. Reason 1: Whoever heard of a requited crush? Nobody, because those are called relationships. If they're into me, I am no longer into them. The buck stops there. The game isn't fun anymore once you win, though basking in the glow of knowing you're freaking awesome and people still want to lay you down and tap that ass is a wicked prize. So, if I find out they really are crushin' right back, I feel cheated out of a good, hard crush and wind up resenting them.
I'm sort of twisted.
Reason Two : If they DON'T like me, yes it's a safer crush to continue, but I am usually too busy drowning in my own ugly pity party to care that nothing would ever happen. And then I usually tell myself they're gay, because this girl is dealing with some SERIOUS issues of denial.
So, I chose this song for my last serious crush that ended almost a year ago, because it's the most possibly devastating crush of my crushing career. He drove me fucking WILD, and during a particularly nasty dry spell between the main squeeze and I, I threw myself into his compliments and nervousness around me and got wrapped up in it so hard I damn near lost my mind. I cannot listen to Hysteria without thinking of him for a second, and it's always during the last six lines. I really had to reign myself in on this crush, because I think if I had been so inclined, I could have taken it to places WAY worse than public displays of juvenile flirtations. I was at a low point of my relationship, and I believe that this particular crush could have broken it if I had tried to do anything about it.
So there you have it. I don't know the relationship status of everyone who reads this, but I do know that most people go through rough patches in their relationship. You feel ugly, unappreciated, unwanted, and all around miserable. But you're a person of high moral fiber and you can't physically cheat because you love your partner. So you do the next best thing and crush. And when your next seriously monumental, could-be-the-bane-of-your-relationship crush comes along, listen to this song and think about them. I sure as fuck did, and this song will always be one of the sexiest in my shuffles because of it.