Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Songs to make love to your old lady by

Holy shit, guys.

If you’ve read even two of my blog entries where I talk at length, you probably already know that I have a huge crush on myself.

You will have also figured out that I have a serious problem with the way I view myself. In short, you realize that I am a hot mess of overblown ego and insecurities, and they tend to cancel each other out and leave me in this emotional limbo that encases me very much like a placenta. It’s ugly and sometimes it pulses.

Anyway, because of this, no matter how fucked up someone is to me in a relationship that causes it to end, I usually end up blaming it on myself even if I’M the one who left. The flip side to this coin was how I would also wind up telling myself that I may have a shitload of problems, but how could people not want this jelly? I find it impossible to believe that people don’t hover around me constantly, sniffing in the glorious scent of me and wishing they could sleep next to it even though they know what a fucking chore it will be to have me in their lives in a sexual/romantic capacity.

I know. It would be hilarious if it weren’t so pathetic.

I am about to bring out the big guns here for today’s Song To Make Love To Your Old Lady By. And when I say big guns, I do mean wimpy, suck ass little British water guns that long stopped working and everyone just laughs at them because they’re lame.

Today’s prodigal son is……….

A SONG FOR YOUR ALMOST SPOT ON WHILE MANAGING TO BE COMPLETELY OVERBLOWN EGO

Featuring : This pasty white guy


(he's singing DIRECTLY to my vagina's sense of self-worth)

Song : Invisible Touch

Christ Almighty. I know, it’s seriously fucking lame, but let me explain myself here.



Fine. There is no explanation.

When I hear this song, I want someone to think of me when they hear it, even if this is someone that I don’t want in the least. I’m sort of aware that I’m a mess, and I really want people to want me in spite of that. Or because of it. Or both, I’m not sure. I have deluded myself into believing I really AM the girl in Invisible Touch, because I’m probably really lonely inside.
I guess if you’re anything like me and also have a sick affinity for really lame songs from the eighties, this is a great song to listen to and harbor fantasies of random, hot men that want you even though you fuck up everything you touch. Thank you, Genesis, for defining me!!! You have no idea how much you’ve helped me out.

3 comments:

  1. Hahahahaha, this made me laugh so hard :P.

    The funny thing is, I totally DO think of you whenever I hear this song now. I wish I didn't, but I do. I think it's because you told me how you felt about this song a while back.

    I picture you running through a field of gay ass flowers and touching stuff like trees and butterflies... and then they explode and you sort of put your hand over your mouth and go "ooops!" in a very "That's Quagmire!" way.

    Awful.

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  2. Drea, You write very well, even with the profanity, I'm a recovering cussaholic myself. I enjoy this post, mostly cause I grew up in the 80s and was so in love with Genesis.
    Thank you for your comment on my post~ and telling me to suck eggs. (Your my first) I can't make every one happy, and don't try to...I'm sure you don't ether. I would of said the same thing to me at 25...however I am happy not to be 25 anymore (it sucked eggs bad). I make fun of myself on my blog and it was in no way directed at anyone...MILF or no MILF, BFD. You dont get my humor...thats ok. I like your blog so I'm now following you :) dont feel you have to do the same. Thanks for the Genesis flashback!

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  3. lol. You crack me up. And that's one heck of a song. :)

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